Like I mentioned in my last post, I am almost done completing my bachelor’s degree. I am so excited to be done with school, at least for awhile. Fall Semester kicked my butt! I had so much going on, I honestly don’t know how I successfully finished it and getting all A’s (sorry to boast). The only reason why I got though it was with all the support I received. God truly helped me focus on the things that needed to get done. He provided me with time and energy to finish the semester strong. My husband was a huge help to me during Fall Semester. He went to the grocery (reluctantly by me at first-I am a bit of a control freak with grocery shopping), cooked meals, did laundry, kept up with the house (inside and out) and gave me alone time to get things done. He did all this while he was also working full time and starting up a MBA program at school. I am so thankful for his love and support!
During this time, I was trying to study for the LSAT to get into Law School in Fall of 2016. This was a complete struggle for me. I felt so overwhelmed with school and work, I felt like I couldn’t concentrate on studying. It felt like it was something else “I had to do.” It was like a chore I didn’t want to get done. My brain felt overloaded when I sat down to study. I planned out study times and did study for about two months. It was not as much studying time that I felt like I needed, but at least I was studying. I took several practice test and did received an average score. My practice test scores were enough to get me into one of the schools I planned on applying to. It wasn’t a great score, but definitely enough to get me in with my GPA and experience. The week leading up to the test, I felt completely overwhelmed and discombobulated. I felt like I was studying and I was not comprehending any of it. My practice test scores were actually dropping. I then stopped taking practice test and started to focusing on how to answer the questions from each section. The test does not test your knowledge of the law, it test your analytical and logic skills. The Saturday I took the test, I didn’t feel overly confident or completely clueless. I came into the test trying to do the best that I could. The test was extremely intense. I wasn’t able to finish answering all the questions from each section. I would say I wasn’t able to answer 5-8 questions from each section. I was very surprised by the fact I couldn’t answer all the questions. During ALL of my practice test, I was able to answer all the questions in the time allowed.
The next couple weeks I felt completed bummed and disappointed in myself for not finishing all the questions. I didn’t feel like I did very well on the test. I would say by the third week, I finally decided to let my discouragment go about the test. I realized if I am supposed to go to law school in 2016 it will happen. I will get a good score and I will be able to attend law school the following year. I also finally accepted that if I bombed the test, there was a reason. It is not the end of the world if I don’t go to law school in 2016. I have the rest of my life to attend law school. It also would give me more time to save up and think about the decision. I once again had to remember, I am not in control-God is! I did the best that I could and I could’t control the outcome of the test.
The last week of October I got my score through email. My score was way lower than I expected it to be. It was lower than my practice test scores. In my opinion, the score was too low to even apply law school. Based on the charts I was given by the law schools and the average score of the student, I would have not gotten into either law school. I decided not to apply to law school for 2016 and take the test again after I finish my bachelor’s degree. I tend to set high goals for myself (which is good), but I sometimes forget how much time it takes to achieve certain goals. Sometimes goals may take longer than you expect.
Surprisingly I didn’t feel completely crushed when I saw my score. I knew there was a reason why I didn’t do well and I would soon find out why my plans didn’t turn out as I hoped for. God really knows what He is doing when He guides your life!
Like I said, I didn’t feel completely crushed that I had bombed the test. I felt more embarrassed because I felt like I was more intelligent than the score made me out to be. I had to tell all the lawyers who I come into contact with everyday I got a horrible score. They were all very encouraging and supportive. Even though it was embarrassing, it was very humbling. Not everything works out the way you want it to, even though you may work hard or want it so bad it hurts. I am not made to be perfect, I am made to be human. I mess up, I may not achieve everything I set out to do. That is okay, as long as you try and have goals in your life. I truly believe most things happen for a reason and I knew there was a reason why I wasn’t going to apply to law school in 2016.
On Thanksgiving day, I found out that I was pregnant and I would be due in August of 2016 (the month I would have started law school).