I’m Pregnant!

I woke up on Thanksgiving Day and realized I was a couple days late, but never suspected I would be pregnant.  Since October was such a stressful month, I thought that “being late” was related to my stress levels.  After I bombed my LSAT, we decided it was finally time to start trying to have children.  We had been ready for awhile, but didn’t want to start “trying” until I figured out what I wanted to do with law school.

I didn’t believe the pregnancy test at first.  I showed up husband and he was like, “yep, you are definitely pregnant!” I think I was in shock.  I didn’t cry or freak out.  I was stunned. I thought I would have a emotional meltdown, since having a child is a very big change in your life.  When my husband and I had talked about having children before, I would get very overwhelmed and decided I wasn’t ready.  I am not sure why I would have this reaction because I absolutely love kids.  They are adorable and funny little creatures!  I think the fact that we would be responsible for a child freaked me out, even though most people have children and are very successful at it.  I was always scared to become pregnant.  I hate needles, hospitals and doctors.  I knew when I got pregnant I had to embrace all of those things.  Labor and delivery terrified me, even though most woman experience pregnancy at some point in their lives.  Remember, I am a control freak so being scared to be pregnant is a control issue.

Anyway, we felt very blessed that we were pregnant and kept it to ourselves until week 11.  In my opinion, it was a special time for my husband and I to keep it a secret.  It was a time for the news to sink in and resonate.  It was a time to reflect and set out plans for our future without other opinions getting in the way.

This first 11 weeks ended up being through Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It became a bit hard to keep it a secret around Christmas when all our families would talk about is us having children.  It also became hard to keep a secret when two of my friends ended up pregnant too (we are all within a month of each other).

I originally wanted to wait to tell people until I was 12 weeks, since that it the time frame where your miscarriage chances decrease.  My husband didn’t want to wait any longer, especially when we had just heard the baby’s heat beat at the doctor’s office earlier that day.  Hearing the baby’s heartbeat felt very real.  It finally sunk in that I was pregnant and we would have a little one here in about 6 months.  We told our families that night.  They were all extremely excited and shocked that we were finally having a baby.  You don’t know how many times we had heard comments regarding us having children.  We heard people say, “they have been married for over nine years, aren’t they ready to have kids” or “they seem to caught up with their careers to have kids, I will never be a grandparent.”

I am 15 weeks today and am in my 2nd trimester.  It was been an amazing experience.  I only was subject to morning sickness a handful of times.  I was extremely fatigued the first trimester and I am happy to say that is getting better each day.  Despite a couple of not so good mornings, I have enjoyed being pregnant.  It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It is pretty amazing to think you have a little one growing inside you.  I have truly embraced pregnancy and am very excited to start showing off my baby bump.  I have a small bump now, but it might be because I have been eating a lot.

My husband has also been really excited about having a little one.  He decided he wanted to get healthy and start working out.  I think he is excited to teach the little nugget new things.  He loves to learn and I know he will teach our child so many wonderful things.

So far being pregnant, hasn’t really caused me much anxiety.  Seems very ironic that a person who suffers from anxiety, wouldn’t be anxious about having a baby.  I guess I realized God is in control of the situation.  I literally cannot control the pregnancy, labor or delivery.  It is all in God’s hands and that is very comforting to know.  I don’t have to worry about those things because God has it handled.  It’s a nice feeling to actually be able to enjoy something without worrying about it 24/7.  I feel calm and at peace.  I know that is God working in my heart.

School and the LSAT

Like I mentioned in my last post, I am almost done completing my bachelor’s degree.  I am so excited to be done with school, at least for awhile.  Fall Semester kicked my butt!  I had so much going on, I honestly don’t know how I successfully finished it and getting all A’s (sorry to boast).  The only reason why I got though it was with all the support I received.  God truly helped me focus on the things that needed to get done.  He provided me with time and energy to finish the semester strong.  My husband was a huge help to me during Fall Semester.  He went to the grocery (reluctantly by me at first-I am a bit of a control freak with grocery shopping), cooked meals, did laundry, kept up with the house (inside and out) and gave me alone time to get things done.  He did all this while he was also working full time and starting up a MBA program at school.    I am so thankful for his love and support!

During this time, I was trying to study for the LSAT to get into Law School in Fall of 2016.  This was a complete struggle for me.  I felt so overwhelmed with school and work, I felt like I couldn’t concentrate on studying.  It felt like it was something else “I had to do.”  It was like a chore I didn’t want to get done.  My brain felt overloaded when I sat down to study.  I planned out study times and did study for about two months.  It was not as much studying time that I felt like I needed, but at least I was studying.  I took several practice test and did received an average score.  My practice test scores were enough to get me into one of the schools I planned on applying to.  It wasn’t a great score, but definitely enough to get me in with my GPA and experience.  The week leading up to the test, I felt completely overwhelmed and discombobulated.  I felt like I was studying and I was not comprehending any of it.  My practice test scores were actually dropping.  I then stopped taking practice test and started to focusing on how to answer the questions from each section.  The test does not test your knowledge of the law, it test your analytical and logic skills.  The Saturday I took the test, I didn’t feel overly confident or completely clueless.  I came into the test trying to do the best that I could.  The test was extremely intense.  I wasn’t able to finish answering all the questions from each section.  I would say I wasn’t able to answer 5-8 questions from each section.  I was very surprised by the fact I couldn’t answer all the questions.  During ALL of my practice test, I was able to answer all the questions in the time allowed.

The next couple weeks I felt completed bummed and disappointed in myself for not finishing all the questions.  I didn’t feel like I did very well on the test.  I would say by the third week, I finally decided to let my discouragment go about the test.  I realized if I am supposed to go to law school in 2016 it will happen.  I will get a good score and I will be able  to attend law school the following year.  I also finally accepted that if I bombed the test, there was a reason.  It is not the end of the world if I don’t go to law school in 2016.  I have the rest of my life to attend law school.  It also would give me more time to save up and think about the decision.  I once again had to remember, I am not in control-God is!  I did the best that I could and I could’t control the outcome of the test.

The last week of October I got my score through email.  My score was way lower than I expected it to be.  It was lower than my practice test scores.  In my opinion, the score was too low to even apply law school.  Based on the charts I was given by the law schools and the average score of the student, I would have not gotten into either law school.  I decided not to apply to law school for 2016 and take the test again after I finish my bachelor’s degree.  I tend to set high goals for myself (which is good), but I sometimes forget how much time it takes to achieve certain goals.  Sometimes goals may take longer than you expect.

Surprisingly I didn’t feel completely crushed when I saw my score.  I knew there was a reason why I didn’t do well and I would soon find out why my plans didn’t turn out as I hoped for.  God really knows what He is doing when He guides your life!

Like I said, I didn’t feel completely crushed that I had bombed the test.  I felt more embarrassed because I felt like I was more intelligent than the score made me out to be.  I had to tell all the lawyers who I come into contact with everyday I got a horrible score.  They were all very encouraging and supportive.  Even though it was embarrassing, it was very humbling.  Not everything works out the way you want it to, even though you may work hard or want it so bad it hurts.  I am not made to be perfect, I am made to be human.  I mess up, I may not achieve everything I set out to do.  That is okay, as long as you try and have goals in your life.  I truly believe most things happen for a reason and I knew there was a reason why I wasn’t going to apply to law school in 2016.

On Thanksgiving day, I found out that I was pregnant and I would be due in August of 2016 (the month I would have started law school).

It’s been awhile…

Well, it has been awhile since I last posted a blog.  I have missed writing about life and the everyday emotions that we all have.  Every minute of our life shapes who we are and where we are going.  I have so much to talk about, it may take a couple blog post!

First off, I am almost done with finishing my bachelors degree.  I have two and a half months left and I am done with school (well at least for awhile).  Fall Semester kicked my butt!  I was working full time and trying to successfully complete 5 classes.  Not to mention, I was studying for the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test) so I could try to get into law school the following year.  My husband got a promotion at work.  My best friend got married and that was such an amazing experience to be involved with.  My husband and I got a puppy in November.  I found out I was pregnant in November.  We started to be more involved at church, starting our own city group (essentially a small group).

It has been a crazy couple months!!  God has truly helped me grow it ways that I never expected.