I woke up on Thanksgiving Day and realized I was a couple days late, but never suspected I would be pregnant. Since October was such a stressful month, I thought that “being late” was related to my stress levels. After I bombed my LSAT, we decided it was finally time to start trying to have children. We had been ready for awhile, but didn’t want to start “trying” until I figured out what I wanted to do with law school.
I didn’t believe the pregnancy test at first. I showed up husband and he was like, “yep, you are definitely pregnant!” I think I was in shock. I didn’t cry or freak out. I was stunned. I thought I would have a emotional meltdown, since having a child is a very big change in your life. When my husband and I had talked about having children before, I would get very overwhelmed and decided I wasn’t ready. I am not sure why I would have this reaction because I absolutely love kids. They are adorable and funny little creatures! I think the fact that we would be responsible for a child freaked me out, even though most people have children and are very successful at it. I was always scared to become pregnant. I hate needles, hospitals and doctors. I knew when I got pregnant I had to embrace all of those things. Labor and delivery terrified me, even though most woman experience pregnancy at some point in their lives. Remember, I am a control freak so being scared to be pregnant is a control issue.
Anyway, we felt very blessed that we were pregnant and kept it to ourselves until week 11. In my opinion, it was a special time for my husband and I to keep it a secret. It was a time for the news to sink in and resonate. It was a time to reflect and set out plans for our future without other opinions getting in the way.
This first 11 weeks ended up being through Thanksgiving and Christmas. It became a bit hard to keep it a secret around Christmas when all our families would talk about is us having children. It also became hard to keep a secret when two of my friends ended up pregnant too (we are all within a month of each other).
I originally wanted to wait to tell people until I was 12 weeks, since that it the time frame where your miscarriage chances decrease. My husband didn’t want to wait any longer, especially when we had just heard the baby’s heat beat at the doctor’s office earlier that day. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat felt very real. It finally sunk in that I was pregnant and we would have a little one here in about 6 months. We told our families that night. They were all extremely excited and shocked that we were finally having a baby. You don’t know how many times we had heard comments regarding us having children. We heard people say, “they have been married for over nine years, aren’t they ready to have kids” or “they seem to caught up with their careers to have kids, I will never be a grandparent.”
I am 15 weeks today and am in my 2nd trimester. It was been an amazing experience. I only was subject to morning sickness a handful of times. I was extremely fatigued the first trimester and I am happy to say that is getting better each day. Despite a couple of not so good mornings, I have enjoyed being pregnant. It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be. It is pretty amazing to think you have a little one growing inside you. I have truly embraced pregnancy and am very excited to start showing off my baby bump. I have a small bump now, but it might be because I have been eating a lot.
My husband has also been really excited about having a little one. He decided he wanted to get healthy and start working out. I think he is excited to teach the little nugget new things. He loves to learn and I know he will teach our child so many wonderful things.
So far being pregnant, hasn’t really caused me much anxiety. Seems very ironic that a person who suffers from anxiety, wouldn’t be anxious about having a baby. I guess I realized God is in control of the situation. I literally cannot control the pregnancy, labor or delivery. It is all in God’s hands and that is very comforting to know. I don’t have to worry about those things because God has it handled. It’s a nice feeling to actually be able to enjoy something without worrying about it 24/7. I feel calm and at peace. I know that is God working in my heart.