Dissappintment is my worse enemy

My entire life my worst enemy is fear of dissappointing someone.  I don’t even like to tell people my goals (except for my husband and best friend) in fear that I won’t achieve them.  I don’t want to be the type of person that just “says” all these things they are going to do, but never does them.  I never want to seem “wishy washy” and lose my inergrity.  It takes me awhile to make a decision, but when I do I normally achieve my goal.  I then worry that I will change my mind and not seem true to my word.

I don’t know where this sense of dissappointment came from.  When I was younger, I never felt up to par with my parents expectations.  I am the oldest child, so I know parents seem to have higher expectations for their first child.  I never felt like they were proud of me.  I never felt like they were happy with my decisions.   I think this heightened my need for approval from them.  They never accepted my reasoning for a decision.  My decision were always “stupid” or didn’t matter.  My opinions or beleifs were never taken into account.

When I decided I wanted to go to law school, my mother was not very happy.  She didn’t even talk to me for a couple weeks.  All she wants me to do is have children and stay at home.  I absolutly want to have children and I definitly want my focus to be them-but that doesn’t have to be your only goal in life.  God has placed you here for a purpose and if it being a stay at home mom, thats great!!  But it may mean God has other goals for your life, other than being a mom.  I decided I wanted my children to see thier mother doing something God wanted her to do.  That my main focus was God’s plan for my life.  I want my children to be motivated to do something more than their own personal wants and needs.  I want them to see the bigger picture in life.  There are people who need our help and that we designed for a purpose while we are here on this earth.  When I have children I want them to have this mindset.  God has made us for a purpose, so follow His plan for you life.  Like I have said it this post ad previous post-God’s purpose comes in many forms.  Maybe you are supposed to be a lawyer, maybe you are supposed to be a stay at home mom, maybe you wil work as a waitress or will work at a grocery store.  Do not let worldy standards of goals get in the way of your purpose.  You don’t have to be a doctor or CEO to make a difference-you can make just as much of a difference greeting someone at a coffeeshop on a daily basis.  We all make this world work, but its our job to find what that is.

Mr. Rogers perfectly summed up my feelings…

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something no one else has-or ever will have-something inside that is unique to all time.  It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and provide ways to develop its expression.”

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