Verse of the Day

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6: 33

This is such a reassuring verse.  The first thing we should do when making a decision, big or small, is ask for guidance from God.  If we seek Him first, the decision will always be on the right path.  There is no better way to come to a conclusion.  Place it in God’s hands first!

Cycle of Anxiety

Pslam 27: 14  Wait on the Lord: be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart, I say, on the Lord.

Here we go again, the worry wart and the control freak resurface.  Why do I ge anxious about anything??!  Why do I keep falling into the trap of anxiety again.  It is an endless cycle.

I work in the court system, where I see family cycles of violence, destruction and negativity.   Yes I might have my life in order to an extent, but what makes my family cycle any different from those people I see everyday.  Someone has to break the cycle eventually and I am hoping it ends with me.  I do not want my anxiety to linger into my family once again when I have children.

I don’t understand why I keep falling back into this cycle.  It doesn’t matter if times are good or bad.  I try to constantly control things.  I don’t trust in God fully when I do this.  Once God answers a prayer, I start overanalyzing the situation and plan in my head the outcome it should be.  I place myself in this box and cannot see any other way that things can happen.

For example, I started school back up this semester and started a new job.  It has been a stressful, but exciting couple of months.  I had a minor breakdown a couple weeks ago, afraid that I couldn’t handle school and work.  If I couldn’t handle it now, how could I handle when I take on more classes and law school.  My husband then brought me back to reality and told me to let God handle it.  He told me that things could change by the time I get to law school.  Maybe he will get a better job so I don’t have to work, maybe I will get a scholarship or maybe I will change my mind in the next year.

We are also thinking about starting a family soon and that caused me to stress out even more.  I want to go to school, but I don’t really want to wait much longer to start a family.  It is very hard for me to seperate those two things.  It’s almost either or in my eyes.  My original plan was I will go to school, then start a family once I am done.  But then I started thinking once I get out of law school, I will probably be starting a new job-so I am sure I will want to wait a bit longer after that.  We have been told many times there is no perfect time to start to have children.  Once you feel like you are ready, you need to go for it otherwise you will keep “waiting” on the perfect time and it will never happen.  My husband then again brought me back down from the anxiety train and told me to let God take care of it.  If we are supposed to have children soon, God will handle the rest.  He will get me through law school one way or the other-as long as that is my path.  I am very blessed to have a man in my life that places his priority in God first.  He lets God take control of the decisions in his life.  I need to start doing the same.

I am by nature a planner, that is the way God has designed me.  It is definitly okay to plan your goals, but it doesn’t need to debilitate you.  Life never happens the way you plan it to. When God gives you an opportunity, you need to go for it and see where God will take you.  Don’t stay in a box, you not only limit yourself you are limiting God.  And why would you limit God, He can make the imposible-POSSIBLE!

Dissappintment is my worse enemy

My entire life my worst enemy is fear of dissappointing someone.  I don’t even like to tell people my goals (except for my husband and best friend) in fear that I won’t achieve them.  I don’t want to be the type of person that just “says” all these things they are going to do, but never does them.  I never want to seem “wishy washy” and lose my inergrity.  It takes me awhile to make a decision, but when I do I normally achieve my goal.  I then worry that I will change my mind and not seem true to my word.

I don’t know where this sense of dissappointment came from.  When I was younger, I never felt up to par with my parents expectations.  I am the oldest child, so I know parents seem to have higher expectations for their first child.  I never felt like they were proud of me.  I never felt like they were happy with my decisions.   I think this heightened my need for approval from them.  They never accepted my reasoning for a decision.  My decision were always “stupid” or didn’t matter.  My opinions or beleifs were never taken into account.

When I decided I wanted to go to law school, my mother was not very happy.  She didn’t even talk to me for a couple weeks.  All she wants me to do is have children and stay at home.  I absolutly want to have children and I definitly want my focus to be them-but that doesn’t have to be your only goal in life.  God has placed you here for a purpose and if it being a stay at home mom, thats great!!  But it may mean God has other goals for your life, other than being a mom.  I decided I wanted my children to see thier mother doing something God wanted her to do.  That my main focus was God’s plan for my life.  I want my children to be motivated to do something more than their own personal wants and needs.  I want them to see the bigger picture in life.  There are people who need our help and that we designed for a purpose while we are here on this earth.  When I have children I want them to have this mindset.  God has made us for a purpose, so follow His plan for you life.  Like I have said it this post ad previous post-God’s purpose comes in many forms.  Maybe you are supposed to be a lawyer, maybe you are supposed to be a stay at home mom, maybe you wil work as a waitress or will work at a grocery store.  Do not let worldy standards of goals get in the way of your purpose.  You don’t have to be a doctor or CEO to make a difference-you can make just as much of a difference greeting someone at a coffeeshop on a daily basis.  We all make this world work, but its our job to find what that is.

Mr. Rogers perfectly summed up my feelings…

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something no one else has-or ever will have-something inside that is unique to all time.  It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and provide ways to develop its expression.”

Verse of the Day

2 Corinthians 4: 16-8

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but through our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.  For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an internal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

This is such a great verse to read when you are feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes we need to stand back and look at the big picture.

For thus the Lord G OD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, “In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.” But you were not willing, (‭Isaiah‬ ‭30‬:‭15‬ NASB)

What things in your life are difficult to surrender to “resting in God?” Like Judah taking the Egyptians’ horses, what are a few things that you find security in? What can you surrender and trust to God and believe that He will accomplish even as you rest?

I have a tendency to get easily worked up about things and not fully trust in God’ plan.  When God gives me an answer to prayer, I tend to get excited and come to an extenive plan without relying on God to work the rest out.

For example, I decided I wanted to go to law school last year.  Answered prayers starting popping up left and right.  My husband got a permanent position at work, so then I was able to start school and finish my bachelor’s degree.  Shortly after I started school, a job opportuntiy became available at my work that I wasn’t expecting and was a perfect fit for someone who wants to attend law school.  I interviewed and got the job!  My firsts semester back to school has been a bit rough, epecially on top of starting a new job.  I had a minor breakdown a couple weeks ago and was anxious about fitting everything in to this “time frame” in my mind.  I want to start law school in Fall of 2016, but that means alot of hard work between now and then.  I also want to stay working full time when I got to law school.  My husband and I also want to have children soon, but are not sure when is te right time to start.  I became super overwhelmed with all these decisions and felt like it was impossible.  My husband began to talk me down from my minor “freak out” and told me that God will work everything out.  He told me straight up that I need to stop limiting God and limiting the other possibilites that God make happen.  Things change and they are allowed to change.  I strugle with thinking outside the box and swaying away from a plan.  Maybe I will decide not to go to law school, maybe I will get a scholarship to law school, maybe I will have to wait to go to law school to save up money…. there are several roads to get where God wants me to be.  I need to let God do the guiding and stop over-analyzing every decision I make.

I don’t know why I keep falling back into the sin of anxiety and not trusting God.  He has been so good to me and has provided me with so many blessings.

I need to take a chill pill and not get worked up about things.  God has taken care of me all my life, why would He stop?